How and when to discuss your ex with your new partner

Most of us carry some baggage left over from previous relationships. The question you must ask yourself is how much (if any) of this emotional baggage you are prepared to share with any new partner?

For some people, there's not much baggage and it doesn’t pose a big issue. For others though, the baggage can be measured in terms of tons, and the need to share it may be much more relevant.

It’s never an easy thing to do, to bring up things about past relationships with your current love. If you try to speak about it too soon, you could easily scare your new partner off. On the other hand, if you leave it too long to chat about it, your new partner could think that you’re trying to hide something. To help you to time it right, here are a few considerations to take on board.

Leave it about a month

You must refrain from chatting about your ex, and what went wrong on the first date with your new girl or guy. If you do blurt out about it straight away, it might create the impression that you’re paranoid about it, and might indicate that you are "damaged goods."

My advice to you is to leave it at least month before talking about it. Acquaint yourself more thoroughly with your new partner and chat about it when a good opportunity presents itself.

Come to terms with your feeling first

Before you launch forth, make sure that you have come to terms with your own feelings about what happened. Avoid mentioning it if you’re feeling annoyed, or that your dreams have been broken, or if you feel in despair.

If you do talk about when these feelings are prevalent, you’ll say the wrong things and you’ll sound bitter and maybe even desperate. You need to be in control of your emotions in order to come across in the right way.

Preparing the ground

Being able to discuss your former partner in a cool and relaxed manner means that you are now able to chat about what happened in normal conversation. You’ll be able to share the experience without getting emotional and reliving past events as you speak. It’s not something that you have to do, but if you feel the need to, you are ready.

Learning from your past

It is also essential to be able to comprehend how the break-up came about and to learn from whatever it was that went wrong.

Your new girl or man-friend will be able to discern what happened, why it happened and what you hope to bring to your new relationship as a result. Rather than appearing damaged goods, you will seem to be a person who is now wiser and in full control of your destiny.

Sending the right signals

One thing you need to be careful about is not talking about your ex if they are still part of your social scene. As far as your new partner is concerned, this might indicate you are still involved in some way.

If you must carry on coming across your ex from time to time when you socialize with friends, make sure you both know and accept your boundaries, otherwise your new partner will never feel safe and relaxed.

It’s best to avoid your ex altogether if you can. However you proceed, it’s important to let your new partner know that youve moved on and that you’re now ready for a new relationship.

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